Part of the joy of watching Paladino is that his outbursts are so unpredictable. One day he’s drawing attention to Cuomo’s “cojones,” the next day he’s appalled by men’s gyrating nether regions. You can expect some fiery outbursts from Barron, a “flamethrowing” black protest candidate with “a knack for stoking controversy” and “ability to generate headlines” who says he’s in the race to draw attention to Cuomo’s all-white ticket. But don’t expect the unexpected. Tonight is all about coming off as the most “gubernatorial” man on stage, Barron says. “I’m in it to win it, not to spoil, not to entertain.”
See more of The New Yorker’s coverage of the midterm elections.
Howard Hawkins
This hula-hooping “Green New Deal” candidate has raised only $23,410 and recently asked a reporter where to buy a suit—not the M.O. of a millionaire businessman like Paladino. But he gets points for a commercial, inspired by Ralph Nader, in which he runs down the Capitol steps as “The Green Hornet of Justice.” His costume: blue jeans and a navy-blue T-shirt. A cape would have won him another head.
Warren Redlich
This Libertarian candidate gets one head for his reënactment of Paladino’s confrontation with the New York Post reporter Fred Dicker. In Redlich’s version, when a bald reporter accuses him of being “full of crap,” he counters with printouts of an endoscopy report showing otherwise. He gets another for his outrage over the salary of the head of the New York Public Library. Aggressive! Unpredictable! Almost like the real Carl.
Kristin Davis
This hedge-fund-V.P.-turned-madam has gubernatorial experience of sorts: she provided call girls for then Governor Eliot Spitzer, among other rich and powerful men. She presents her vision—legalizing marijuana, prostitution, gay marriage, and gambling— under the banner of the Anti-Prohibition Party; others have called it a “pot and pussy platform.” Although it is a bit tough to pay attention to Davis when she speaks without fixating on her puffed-up lips and taut brow, a close listen will reveal that she’s articulate, and actually has some valid points.
Jimmy McMillan
When it comes to being mad as hell, McMillan is a contender. He attempted to run for mayor of New York City last year as a member of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party. (The Board of Elections removed the word “damn” on the grounds that the name was too long. He responded by telling New York magazine that he “would love to put on my website that the Board of Elections can suck my dick…. Every fuckin’ one of them, you know.”) This year, he appears to have addressed the length of the party name by abbreviating “too” with “2.” If you want to get a preview of the voice sure to rival Paladino’s in fury tonight, set to some sweet beats, visit his old-school Web site.
How will Cuomo fare against the genuine, five-Carl Paladino and five pretenders? Will he earn himself a Paladino? Watch the seven at seven tonight to find out.
