NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—One day after he was roundly criticized by both parties for his comments about Libya, Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney attempted to burnish his foreign-policy credentials today, telling reporters that “no one has spent more time overseas than my money has.”
“My money has served in banks from Switzerland to Bermuda, and from Bermuda to the Cayman Islands,” Mr. Romney said. “I challenge my opponent’s money to equal that record of service.”
Doubling down on his latest theme, Mr. Romney promised that “on Day One of my Presidency, I will ensure that American money is safe and secure in secret vaults and underground caves around the world.”
Mr. Romney’s recent foray into foreign policy may have hurt him in a new poll, in which a majority of likely voters agreed with the statement, “Mitt Romney is starting to make his trip to the London Olympics look like the pinnacle of modern diplomacy.”
An official statement from the Romney campaign did not refer to his latest comments, but indicated that between now and the election Mr. Romney’s schedule would deëmphasize events where he might be called upon to open his mouth.
Andy Borowitz will be doing two shows at next month’s New Yorker Festival: Friday, October 5th, with the storytelling group The Moth, and Saturday, October 6th, with Sarah Silverman. Ticket information here.
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