Thank you for joining your local community-supported agriculture association! As a C.S.A. subscriber, each week you’ll receive a large box containing an ever-changing assortment of high-quality, organic produce from our regional member farms. If you’re accustomed to the homogenous offerings of a standard chain supermarket, some of the items that you receive may be a bit unfamiliar, so here’s a quick guide:
LEOPARD APPLES
Leopard apples can be McIntosh, Fuji, Macoun, or almost any other popular varietal, but these artisanal fruits can be distinguished from their staid and flavorless store-bought cousins by their considerably smaller size, wrinkles, and generous arrangement of black spots. Each week you’ll also likely receive several leopard tomatoes and leopard squash.
MOUNTAIN HOLLYCRESS
Refreshing and nutritious, mountain hollycress is the perfect addition to an early-summer salad.
DECORATIVE MOUNTAIN HOLLYCRESS
Identical in appearance and flavor to mountain hollycress, decorative hollycress is distinguished by the prolonged, terrifying hallucinations induced by the potent neurotoxin in its leaves and berries. Handle with tongs.
SHROPSHIRE TAINTLARD
Once considered a worthless byproduct of the hog-butchering process, Shropshire taintlard is now a favored ingredient among the more daring proponents of nose-to-tail dining. Noted for its rich, earthy flavor—with hints of fatty bacon, decaying musk, and taint—Shropshire taintlard has a pleasant greenish-yellow tinge and a distinctive mouthfeel, often compared to thick, oily porridge, with the occasional surprise nubbin. To serve, just snip a corner off the Ziploc bag in which the taintlard is delivered and squeeze some onto crackers or crudités—or simply place in a small bowl with a spoon for a sophisticated treat that your guests won’t soon forget.
FAMINE ROOT
Also known in several Slavic languages as eat-me-not, digest-me-not, and shit-me-never, this large, hardy tuber is prized both as a food source and as a weapon, although mostly as a weapon. It should be placed directly in boiling water upon arrival and kept there until ready to serve, ideally two to three weeks later. Best accompanied by a variety of foods you’d prefer to consume.
DECORATIVE FAMINE ROOT
As with decorative mountain hollycress, decorative famine root can be hard to distinguish from its edible relative. The definitive test is to boil it like standard famine root: after several days, decorative famine root will still be as hard as a large rock, and will, in fact, be a large rock.
SPINNERS' MELON
Folk wisdom has it that spinners' melon, a close relative of the honeydew, got its name because of the delicate, weblike patterning on its skin, or possibly because of the thousands of baby spiders that will occasionally come swarming out when you cut it open.
MOSS
One of our favorite summer interns, Eric Moss, was eager to spend three weeks experiencing the rustic authenticity of the farming lifestyle before returning to Wesleyan University to complete his degree in East Asian studies. He enthusiastically inserted himself into all aspects of agriculture, including, unfortunately, a hybrid combine harvester. Lucky subscribers should be on the lookout for bits of flannel, beard, and special picnic cuts with cheerful, old-timey tattoos.
ONE DOZEN TURNIPS
No matter what else is in your C.S.A. delivery, rest assured that you will always receive a dozen turnips. Always.
