SCENE I. Verona. Wedding Courtyard.
Fifteen years have elapsed. Enter ROMEO and BENVOLIO of the house of Montague.
ROMEO
Mine dear coz Ben, once boy, now groom,
Ne’er did this day runeth ’bout my head.
You settl’d down! A lion tamed, once wolf,
Now dog. Yet to thou I wisheth, mazel tov.
BENVOLIO
A penny heav’ly dropp’d to rent this barn,
And roving jesters, with their cost, make me the fool.
Lender no more, but borrower for years I’ll be.
O, bar most open, of thou advantage I may as well taketh.
Enter JULIET.
ROMEO
Mine heart believe what mine eyes doth not.
Faire Juliet Capulet! Once mine heart’s lit flame,
Anon a candle most extinguish’d. To be frank,
I cannot believe thou invit’d her.
BENVOLIO
Now with all petty rivalry between the houses gone,
And in hindsight foolish, Capulets art welcom’d hither.
Besides, Romeo, she is mine friend, too.
I thought the terms thou two wast on wast good?
ROMEO
If terms art not bad, that dost not make them good.
Post to the whole botch’d suicide thing, we did remain
In buds of love a year or so. Then touch was lost,
And ne’er found. ’Til now, amidst yond mason jars.
BENVOLIO
She nears. And I adjourn to welcome oth’r kin.
ROMEO
I beggeth thou doth not leave me ’lone with her!
My curs’d palms, they sweat like broken dams.
BENVOLIO
I know thy fearful senses to be just,
But ’tis mine wedding day, kibitz I must.
Exit BENVOLIO.
JULIET
Hi.
ROMEO
Hi.
JULIET
Hi.
ROMEO
Thy gown is nice. Of nice material, I mean.
’Tis a garment that suits thy body well.
(Aside)
But what garment doth not suit its wearer?
O mine poor tongue, once sword, anon a flopping fish.
JULIET
I thanketh thee. Your boots are pleasing in their color,
A strong brown, like bark or dirt. Ha! Dirt.
(Aside)
Dirt? O, mine foul and most unnatural nerves
Have been usurpt’d by feelings most untoward.
ROMEO
Bless’d weather for a wedding day, such breeze.
JULIET
Indeed, what light through yonder clouds doth break.
A long silence.
ROMEO
Should I sayeth what we both doth think,
And lay it on the table like a tasteless meal?
This talk lacks some ability to comf’rt.
’Tis a talk most un-comf’rt-able.
JULIET
Let us grant each oth’r some compassion.
Our suicide attempts made gossip most unkind.
ROMEO
And yet I doth not blame them for our rift in hearts.
Sweet’r than blood, the wine of love in me once flow’d,
And like a drunkard I believ’d it infinite.
At least, I did while I was in mine twenties.
JULIET
Ay, we wast younger then. Ideals still strong,
Our love boat caught in hormones’ tempest.
Anon I must put lust away to dock.
My thirtieth year approacheth, without mercy.
ROMEO
Ay, thirty. Jesus Christ.
JULIET
Art thine eyes seeing anyone of late?
ROMEO
Indeed, a lady of sharp mind who hath return’d to school.
She trains to practice law. Her name is Becky.
JULIET
But through the vines I heard thou wast back with Rosaline.
ROMEO
’Tis true. ’Twas brief.
JULIET
I wish thou fortunes with Becky most faire.
O gentle Romeo, I taketh joy in thy joy.
ROMEO
That sentiment to mine ears means much.
And thou? How fares thy heart of late?
JULIET
Mine party is of one. Of late I left a man
Of sweet repose and sparse commitment.
’Twas a courtship that number’d sev’ral years.
But sorrow’s past. And besides, what can thou doeth?
ROMEO
Indeed. What can thou doeth?
Silence.
JULIET
We shared some nimble-footed times, back in the day.
ROMEO
In sooth, mine own regrets are boundless as the sea.
But I admit, the time we shar’d wast fun.
JULIET
Well, was on mine way to the bar ’ere our paths did cross.
O happy bottle! This is thy sheath!
Pause.
JULIET
I jest. Fear not, I’m fine!
ROMEO
And to the bathroom, I.
JULIET
Adieu, adieu, adieu, remember us.
And in bett’r touch we shouldst aspire to be.
ROMEO
Our love demolished, but friendship its foundation.
In touch far clos’r to each oth’r we shall become.
Exit JULIET to the bar.
ROMEO
Our tongues agree to see this plan come through,
But in our hearts we know this won’t be true.
Exit ROMEO to the bathroom. CURTAIN.