“It’s weird how much all the scientists she met loved her.”
“She really rocked that Lorde wig that she had made.”
“Only she could pull off having her funeral catered by an In-N-Out truck.”
“She was such a great listener. Even when she checked her phone every five seconds, I could tell she cared about me and was listening.”
“I was always jealous of her lean, tan arms.”
“She never read the newspaper cover to cover. I think that’s so cool!”
“At least she died doing what she loved: drinking a piña colada on the beach, reading the hot new young-adult dystopian-future trilogy.”
“I always envied her stress-free life style.”
“She donated her body to science and specifically said that she wants to be displayed in the Bodies exhibit as a woman watching ‘Scandal’ on her couch and drinking rosé.”
“I miss her already. She was kind of like a real-life Khaleesi, you know?”
“In the end, I forgive her. It’s O.K. that she didn’t ever babysit my kids, ever. She thought my kids didn’t like her. She was so wrong. Every night before I tucked them into bed, they’d whisper, ‘Auntie is my favorite. She’s so cool and graceful.’ I know! It’s funny, but they did say that to me every night.”
“It’s important to remember that she eventually got really good at yoga headstands.”
“Of course Prince showed up. It wouldn’t be her funeral without a musical eulogy from one of her closest collaborators and confidantes.”
“All of her kids are so attractive. They’ve got those lucky genes, what with Celeste dying at the age of a hundred and seventy-three and still looking as young and sexy as Diane Lane did in ‘Under the Tuscan Sun.’ ”
“It’s not that she didn’t understand jazz. Jazz didn’t understand her.”
“Her death rattle was uncommonly musical. I heard that James Blake is turning it into a composition for a new New York City Ballet piece choreographed by Justin Peck.”
“Her last words? It’s bittersweet.… Her last words were “Don’t let the last thing I say be ‘YOLO.’ ”
“I don’t mind the open casket. I think it’s cool that she asked to have a mischievous grin.”
“Everyone, come this way—the Viking ceremony is about to begin. We’re going to send the raft out into the Pacific and shoot flaming arrows at is as it drifts off and we say one last goodbye.”
