Do you have delusions of being able to find an affordable 1 bedroom with WINDOWS, NEW APPLIANCES, floors that go all the way to the walls, kitchen cabinets that aren’t that gross white with the pine trim that every landlord installed in 1993, and CLOSETS?
YOU MUST CLICK THIS LISTING!
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This Craigslist post is exactly what you’re looking to click! It’s full of obvious and WILD embellishments, the listed address is at the corner of 2 parallel streets, and it contains 2 pictures of different kitchens!
YOU MUST CLICK THIS LISTING!!!
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Don’t ask why this apartment is so CHEAP! You already know the answer! It’s a SC@M! But it’s a scam with many incompatible photos of hardwood floors and a promise of VIEWS. Views of the back vent of a Dunkin’ Donuts, but still, VIEWS.
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Very rare listing. Only appears on this page of search results 6 times. THIS IS THE CRAIGSLIST POST FOR YOU!
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This apartment has EXPOSED BRICK! The brick from the outside of the building is visible from inside the apartment! This is the place of your DREAMS! YOU’VE CLICKED THIS LINK 3 TIMES ALREADY!!!
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Keep reading this post for an obviously terrible apartment in an attempt to further stave off the realization that all of the AFFORDABLE APARTMENTS don’t have room for furniture and aren’t actually that AFFORDABLE!
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This apartment has a TERRIFIC FRONT STOOP that will always have shouting teens from the scary high school around the corner hanging on its WROUGHT-IRON BANNISTERS! Never go outside at 3 P.M. if you want to maintain any hope for the future!
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Be at the HEART of a neighborhood adjacent to one that’s just starting to get good brunch places but still has only a Ponce De Leon Federal Bank and no Duane Reades.
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A 5-minute walk to 2 Subway Sandwich Shops and a 25-minute walk to the first train to flood during HURRICANES, which is a thing that this city needs to worry about now!!
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Tenants pay for their own heat and hot water, which gets so expensive that you might ALMOST start to wonder if living in N.Y.C. is even worth it and if you’ll ever be able to be successful enough in your chosen career to live a fulfilling and grown-up existence, or if you should have gone to law school, then moved somewhere @FFORD@BLE and less crowded like Seattle or Houston!!!
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But this listing has stretched out photos of CROWN MOLDING and a DISHWASHER! These things aren’t in the apartment, but they’re in the photo!! There’s a chance that there is no REAL APARTMENT and this listing exists to teach you the dangers of unrealistic expectations and how sometimes your hopes don’t add up to the reality of the situation. But it’s probably just a BASEMENT STUDIO in SHEEPSHEAD BAY.
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Call Marco Ramirez’s belt-clipped BlackBerry to be woefully disappointed! NO FEE! BUT ALSO YES FEE! (Location: much farther east than you thought the continent extended.) Sorry, no pets. The apartment already smells like cats.
Photograph by Ralf-Finn Hestoft/Corbis.
