Mobile Banking: Welcome to Mobile Banking! Reply HELP for Help. Reply STOP to cancel. Standard message and data rates may apply.
Mobile Banking: Your $162.22 debit-card transaction at IKEA BROOKLYN was more than the $125.00 in your Alerts setting. Your checking acct ending in 6885 has a balance of $44.48, which is below your $50.00 limit in your Alerts setting. To transfer from savings acct ending in 4362, reply T, space, amount: e.g., T 250.
Me: T 15.
Mobile Banking: $15.00 transferred from savings acct to checking acct.
Mobile Banking: Your checking acct ending in 6885 has a balance of $31.88, which is below your $50.00 limit in your Alerts setting. Your most recent purchase was $12.99 for GRANOLA at FRANKLIN AVE GOURMET MARKET.
Mobile Banking: $12.99 for GRANOLA?
Mobile Banking: The balance in your checking acct ending in 6885 is -$.14. To transfer from savings acct ending in 4362, reply T, space, amount: e.g., T 250.
Me: T 10.
Mobile Banking: To transfer enough to buy something other than rice and sriracha sauce, reply T, space, amount: e.g., T 250.
Mobile Banking: I really recommend that you reply T, space, amount: e.g., T 250.
Mobile Banking: Are you going to sit around your apartment eating rice all weekend?
Me: I don’t have 250 to T.
Mobile Banking: That’s true. You have $56.99 in your savings acct ending in 4362.
Me: I don’t like this service.
Mobile Banking: Your $.99 transaction with EZ BUDGET was less than the $50.00 limit in your Alerts setting.
Me: Why did you text me if it was below my limit?
Mobile Banking: I thought it was amusing that you bought a budgeting app.
Mobile Banking: Your checking acct ending in 6885 has a balance of $8.04, which is below your $50.00 limit in your Alerts setting.
Mobile Banking: Sorry to pry, but how is your job search going?
Me: Fine.
Mobile Banking: Are you sure? Because your most recent purchase was—
Me: I know what my most recent purchase was.
Mobile Banking: Suit yourself.
Mobile Banking: It was $21.75 for 2X W WINE BOTTLE at GRAND ARMY PLAZA LIQUORS.
Me: I SAID I KNOW.
Mobile Banking: $100.00 transferred to checking acct ending in 6885 from savings acct ending in 4362.
Mobile Banking: I guess you’re going out tonight?
Mobile Banking: Is it with that guy from Bushwick? You’ve been buying a lot of 6PACK MILLER LITE and GUMMI BEARS at MYRTLE AVE FOOD STOP lately.
Mobile Banking: Your checking acct ending in 6885 has a balance of $3.03, which is below your $50.00 limit in your Alerts setting.
Mobile Banking: What is going on with you? I take it your $.99 transaction with EZ BUDGET didn’t work out.
Mobile Banking: Your $213.16 debit-card transaction with URBAN OUTFITTERS 14 ST was above your $125.00 Alert setting and totally unnecessary. Why did you buy WIND IN MY WINGS ROUND SUNGLASSES? It’s not even summer. And the ECOTE FLORAL CROCHET BRA TOP makes you look like one of those girls who go to music festivals.
Me: STOP.
Mobile Banking: I’ll STOP when you stop.
Mobile Banking: Hey.
Me: Hey.
Mobile Banking: I’m sorry.
Mobile Banking: I said some things I didn’t mean last time.
Me: It’s fine.
Mobile Banking: I thought your $8.11 debit-card transaction with AMAZON.COM for TAXES FOR DUMMIES (USED) was really cool of you.
Me: STOP.
Mobile Banking: You around? I thought we could grab a beer or something.
Me: No.
Mobile Banking: C’mon. You can afford it. This new job seems to be working out great. Your checking acct ending in 6885 has a balance of $1,080.77.
Mobile Banking: Surprise! I got you some of that GRANOLA you like.
Mobile Banking: Hey, there’s something on my mind. Can you chat?
Me: STOP.
Mobile Banking: It seems like you don’t have time for me now that your checking acct ending in 6885 has a balance of $2,333.49.
Me: How do I cancel this service?
Me: Hey. You there?
Mobile Banking: Look who it is.
Me: I just spent 600 bucks at West Elm.
Mobile Banking: Oh?
Me: Isn’t that above my alerts setting?
Mobile Banking: It’s above your Alerts setting, with a capital “A.”
Me: Sorry.
Mobile Banking: I really don’t care. I gotta go meet up with some people.
Me: Wait—
Mobile Banking: STOP. ♦
