Shouts & Murmurs

The New and Improved San Diego Comic-Con Anti-Harassment Policy

Comic-Con International. It’s a convention where celebrated superheroes and science fiction stars come to life. And, with thousands behind masks, it’s also a hot spot for misbehavior, according to reports. In fact, Comic-Con events across the country have become so notorious for groping, stalking and unwanted photographing — even “upskirting” — such harassment has been termed “creeping at a con.”

—the Washington Post.

PHOTOGRAPH BY STEPHEN BARNES/MOVIES/ALAMY

Below, please find the official San Diego Comic-Con Anti-Harassment Policy, to be posted in Dothraki, Klingon, and Hulk-speak throughout the exhibition hall, and read aloud by an animatronic Patton Oswalt at the entrance to the San Diego Convention Center:

  1. No uninvited touching: not with your clammy hands; the tip of your movie-accurate, machined-aluminum ForceFX light saber; or any of your prosthetic hentai tentacles.

  2. No Supermansplaining, Batmanspreading, or Iron Manslamming.

  3. If you’re unsure whether you’re being insensitive to female attendees of the convention, please consult our new pamphlet: “What Would Joss Do?”

  4. No means no, and sometimes “I am Groot” also means no, depending on the inflection and context.

  5. The phrase “Gay Iceman” should be used only in reference to the recently outed time-travelling member of the original X-Men, Bobby Drake. It is not appropriate to refer to Val Kilmer’s character from “Top Gun” as “Gay Iceman.”

  6. It is similarly inappropriate to refer to Val Kilmer’s character from “Batman Forever” as “Batman.”

  7. No one, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, may refuse the advances of Michael Cera. He’s in a really vulnerable place, you guys!

  8. Cosplay is highly encouraged at Comic-Con! However, we do not permit the wearing or display of anything that is sexually explicit or obscene, such as:
          - George Clooney’s Batnipples™
          - Carrie Fisher’s Bikini Line
          - Jessica Rabbit’s Hacked Cell-Phone Pics
          - Stan Lee’s Mustache

  9. Joking that you’re a “Hobbitual offender” will not amuse our security guards if they catch you behaving indecently.

  10. _Under no circumstances _should you invite any fellow attendee to:
          - “Visit the wand shop”
          - “Kneel before Zod”
          - “Grasp your infinity stones”
          - “Let the Wookie win”
          - “Play Riker’s trombone”
          - “Awaken the Force”
          - “Appreciate Seth Rogen’s understated approach to ‘The Green Hornet’ ”

  11. Please do not be dismissive of Lady Thor, Ant-Man, or Depressingly Old Han Solo.

  12. Please refrain from comments that are offensive to others in the Comic-Con community, such as, “Hey, did you ever notice that ninety-eight per cent of the movies, TV shows, games, and comics represented at Comic-Con are lily-white, misogynistic, heteronormative crap?”

  13. You may only use the quip “Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?” on attendees dressed as the fourth, ninth or tenth Doctors, who have displayed an affection for bananas during their respective seasons of "Doctor Who."

Like a twenty-sided dice, we know that attendees of Comic-Con are a multifaceted community, and we hope that these simple guidelines will create a safe space for all of you who help make our event the most profitable spectacle of mass-market Vendortainment™ in the known universe!