Pumpkin spice.
Rants about how everything edible is now pumpkin-spice-flavored.
Think pieces about the pumpkin-spice phenomenon that turn out to be long-form considerations of a Trump family member.
The expectation that I’ll be able to participate in a discussion of professional sports that requires more than a meager understanding of the Steelers’ record last year.
Repeatedly being asked, “What kind of trees are those?” on a leaf-peeping drive through the scenic countryside.
Jack-o’-lantern D.I.Y. endeavors for which the cost of the supplies needed exceeds the cost of a pumpkin by more than five hundred per cent.
Nearby woman in the orchard on an apple-picking trip wearing an “If You Can’t Spell America, Thank the Teacher’s Union!” sweatshirt.
Department-store mannequins dressed in multiple items of plaid, heavy-wool clothing.
Department-store salesclerks who turn out to be uninterested in my observation that the garments are actually in the tartans of rival Scottish clans.
Best friend’s new favorite television show cancelled after one episode, justifying a resurgence of his laments over “Trophy Wife” getting cancelled in 2014.
Instructions on making tea that run to more than three steps.
Children frolicking in mounds of moldy leaves, their parents seemingly unconcerned that said leaves may conceal a dead body.
Use of the phrase “October Surprise” to describe predictable meteorological events.
Repeated attempts to engage me in conversation about Halloween costumes for adults.
Refusal to laugh when I say that my Halloween costume this year will be Sexy Elephant Man.
Objects falling from the sky and hitting me on the head without warning.
Subsequent embarrassment upon realizing that falling objects were acorns, not small rocks thrown by local bullies.
More than one mention per conversation of chronic issues with school-drop-off traffic.
Discussion of Thanksgiving seating chart in mid-October.
Grandma’s annual request that I remind her how to transfer photos from her iPhone to her desktop in preparation for the family Christmas card.
People who consistently manage to dress correctly for the weather.
