Sideline Poetry

Illustration by Kris Mukai
Illustration by Kris Mukai

Sam Cohen has been assembling poems from the conversations he overhears at his children’s soccer games and practices.

Indoor Field, January 31, 2015, or, Song of the Parents

SHOOT IT, OWEN, SHOOT IT
GO GO GO
QUIT PLAYING WITH YOUR SOCKS, ZACH
THAT'S YOURS THAT'S YOURS
UH OH
GET TO THE MIDDLE, SOPHIA
PAY ATTENTION
GIT IT GIT IT GIT IT
OH

Indoor Field, January 31, 2015, or, Halftime

You’re doing a good job
But
You gotta go around him
Trick him
You gotta hustle

Be a man

Indoor Field, February 30, 2015, or, Fitness Day at Practice

That’s not how you do a pushup
Get your butt down
Get it down
Too far
Get it up
Get your butt up

O.K., karaokes
One foot over the other
No, that foot over that one
Your right over your left
Your other left
Then behind it
No, the other one
Behind the other one
O.K., shuffles

Gentlemen, is this playtime?
Is this grab-ass time?
Did your parents bring you here
to watch you grab-ass?
No, they didn’t, Jaden
I’m pretty sure they didn’t

Field 3, March 18, 2015, or, The Mouths of Babes

Aidan
Aidan
I’m open
I’m wide open
Hey

You can’t shoot it every time
You’re like a mile from the goal
I’m all by myself in the middle there

At least give and go
Wall pass
Triangle pass
Pass to me
I’ll pass it back
I swear

Field 12, March 18, 2015, or, The Mouths of Babes II

Whose man was that
I can’t cover everybody
I’m just one kid

Practice Field, April 16, 2015, or, Pelé's Sister

You call that a settle
Settle the ball, Blake
Right in front of you

We don’t kick like that, Blake
Blake, we don’t kick with our toes, do we
Blake, no toe bombs

Nice cross, Grace
Gracie, way to hustle
Blake, watch Grace

Field 19, May 3, 2015, or, A Soccer Tournament Poem

Go, Max!
Help, Josh!
Get in the middle!
Connor!
Connor!
Connor!
Why are you waiting?
What are you doing?
Connor!

Field 8, May 3, 2015, or, C’mon, Ref

C’MON, REF, WHERE’S THE FOUL?
SHE’S ELBOWING!
SHE’S USING HER ELBOW!
SHE’S ELBOWING!
C’MON.

KNOCK THAT GIRL OVER!
KNOCK HER OFF THE BALL!
OH, NOW IT’S A FOUL?

Field 8, May 3, 2015, or, To His Coy Referee

TIME WASTING, REF!
HE’S WASTING TIME
MAKE HIM TAKE THE KICK!
TAKE THE KICK!
TIME-WASTING!
GIVE US A CHANCE!
YOU GOT TO GIVE US A CHANCE!

Field 19, May 4, 2015, or, Archaic Torso of Apollo

O.K.
O.K.
O.K.
I’m going to add time
Because of you people
But you have to relax
Can you please relax