You are unflappable.
You are a consummate professional.
Check out your damn wingspan!
You dominate all barns.
If there’s a barn, you’re pretty much about to dominate it.
It wouldn’t be that ludicrous to see you soaring over some majestic blue pyramids emerging from the Bermuda Triangle.
When it comes to soaring, gliding, or chillin’ on a bough, you’re definitely No. 1.
Even when people think you’re just chillin’ on a bough, what you’re really doing is communing with the mystical rhythms of the universe. So, there’s that.
What do you get when you look up “Steely fellow who sternly oversees things in his general vicinity but has a terrific sense of humor that he deploys at the exact right moments” in the Owl Dictionary? A picture of you!
No one looks directly at things in a slightly offended way better than you.
A field mouse might think, “Phew, my friend barely escaped by darting into that owl’s peripheral vision,” and it’s like, “Actually, I’m pretty much swiveling my head all the way around to see him, so…”
A statue might think, “I have the patent on being still and regal and staring at things in this topiary garden.” And it’s like, “Really? Because I just psyched you out, and you’re a statue.”
If there were a currency that only circulated among the most intelligent people under the best of circumstances, you would definitely be on it.
It’s not that hard to imagine you playing the saxophone and then deftly kicking your top hat into the audience.
It’s also not that hard to imagine you upending a table were someone to ask you to try some fun new veggie dips.
You’ve got what it takes!
Time to start another Excellent Owl Day.
Photograph by Miguel Medina/AFP/Getty.
