We’ll Always Have Reverse-Caption Contests

Due to the government shutdown, there will be a slight delay in the judging of last week’s reverse-caption contest. O.K., delay over now. See, I told you it would be slight.

The phrase that contestants had to work with was, “We will always have Paris.”

The reference is of course to

when all that remains of Rick and Ilsa’s Paris romance

are memories, because Rick chooses virtue over love and lets Ilsa escape with her husband.

Over time, the gist of that line of dialogue has become, “Take pleasure in remembering the good times when times are not so good.” Perhaps some members of Congress are doing that right now.

The “good then, bad now” sentiment in “We’ll always have Paris” was characteristic of many contest entries, including this one:

A baguette and cheese are walking down the street in New York City. Restaurant signs advertise “Gluten-Free Bakery” and “Vegan Cafe.” Baguette says to Cheese, “We’ll always have Paris.”

An edgier version of this idea was the submission that had Adolf Hitler saying the caption to the Vichy Prime Minister Pétain, as Allied airplanes are seen in the distance. But this is not a workable cartoon image because no one recognizes Pétain anymore. Here’s how that idea could work, courtesy of the cartoonist Tom Cheney:

For many contestants, the primary association with the phrase was not the city but a person: “First thing that pops into my mind is Paris Hilton, naked, except a pink mink, behind bars.” Hmm, arresting image, and I guess the caption is not being spoken by anyone but is just a title we see below the picture. Here’s a Paris Hilton joke that is more successful:

A reporter from TMZ is sitting at his desk and addressing the cameras. Behind him on a large TV screen is an image of Paris Hilton and some headline describing her latest scandalous behavior. The reporter is saying, “We will always have Paris.”

Other submissions made use of associations to Napoleon (retreating from Moscow), the Trojan War (right, that Paris), and even Jerry Lewis, who, as we all know, is very big in France. But I think the best suggestion came from Jean Pyle, who said it would be “tres funny” for the caption to be attached to the cartoon from the three-hundred-and-third running of The New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest:

She’s très right about that. (The original winner was, “Who has the time anymore? Now it just sits there, gathering dust.”)

Now, I’m sure that this selection will cause howls of protest from those of you who submitted a similar idea set during the French Revolution. What can I say, except, “Tell it to the judge.” Except that I am the judge and that won’t do you any good. Well, you could try your congressman.